Tuesday, August 11, 2009

the other night

So after an incredible weekend of straight happiness involving near constant interaction with good people and good sights the contradictory finally bit its teeth into our (me and Emily's) experience. We arrived at my house around 12 after taking down the booth that we shared for three days. We felt really good and were tired. Nathanael and Addie arrived and within maybe a half an hour the yellow puma arrived in its cellophane wrapping out of Nathanael's pocket. I knew in my gut when it was presented to stay away. Lately I have been turned off by the outsider chemical world in general and can hardly smoke without cringing on the inside with paranoia. I felt its evil and knew, but have such a hard time listening to myself. I said, "no" with instinct and was slowly pulled bandwagon style into the night that would be. Unfortunately so was my love. I knew when it kicked in that it wasn't right. and by that time she had already swallowed. Then the night began. Intense waves of strange feeling battered us and the night was full of negatives creeping in and out of the windows. There was some beauty still amongst the fright and me and Gem truly connected towards the beginning in a touch that was powerful beyond words.
We were sick with each other and had to "roll" with it. I will never endanger my luck and my love and take for granted the pure happy over the diluted again. Another lesson. A powerful strange lesson. I'm changed now and know what I need, want, and feel.

In realizing a difference
in a doubt so clear to see
in a never ending cycle
in a strange repeating dream
that we all will take a part of
and in shifting back and forth
like the waving of a hand
to signal and ignore
and in listening to yourself
you find a true answer we mean
and to take a stepping back
and in being what you've seen
and the choices of us all
are making choices to themselves
and are making new excuses
for hands that never held

in truly feeling happy
and in truly feeling sad
and in realizing the difference inside
what you've truly had
so in being fully human
and in doing human things
we parallel ourselves
and become that which we have seen

Let's keep sharing. Let me show you while you show me.
"I've seen the future and we're in it" "You're exactly what I've needed."
You give me hope in an ever-constant madness that surrounds me. Please try hard to feel me darling- because I love you and I mean it.

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