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woke up at 10 from a strange nap- felt very alone- needed smokes- called upon adelaide- she was nice enough to help- came back with an energy drink- cleaned the dirty dishes = symbolic for cleaning my mind for the beating i am going to give myself mentally- joseph arrives- brew the pot -drew from 1-2 drinking around a pot while conversing effortlessly under the halo of what the unsure future will bring- painted from 2-6 am- wake up at 11- paint till seven (fathers arrival)- chop a foot off the monstrous walls- load walls and art- head for the city - assemble walls- hang art- paint more (if i have it in me or if the caffeine agrees)- friday through sunday = the Pittsburgh visionary artists festival in which i will try once again to solidify the outward projection in me through the various eyes and minds that view- stay with my precious gem whom i need and want and see-

past weekend was beautiful- fulfilled a temporary emptiness with a liquid understanding and hope- i love her with all those words and feelings and looking forward on i see clearly with a swirling epiphany of being grateful while the swirling negative spits venom

i apologized to kelly over a slight buzz- she spoke of her travels- and the bridge is absolutely destroyed to its very skeleton- a gravel path over water direction pipes- growing up and keeping still and moving all around- my gorgeous girl my- early morning sunrise- my spilling mind- my catlike expressions running into the trees- my ego and inhibition- my memories wrecked by the new change- a glimpse of the future that's already here due to time being one with itself and the freezing summer is nearly over and my eyes are tired- in paint stained hands sticky with enamel- the process of opportunity and the shifting times- the pain in my lungs - the fumes and the smoke- the sky was a pinkish blue as it rose into itself- thinking of you stretching my legs sitting on the entrance slant smoking an early morning strung out cig and blowing my hits through the misty valley air- i am who i convince myself - i am beautiful and i am worth it- if i love myself i'll be free- keep cool in the morning sleep well through your dreams- a night to remember you and me and a toast with no drink to the future that is- amen