Sunday, May 10, 2009


Apparently I lack empathy-
Or at least I was told so-
In more ways than one I've been the asshole this weekend- but not- apparently
and I shouldn't feel sorry or bad - and if I should try to understand what it means
apparently I just can't- ?
It seems semi-ridiculous to me, but it does make sense.

I had a beautiful weekend though indefinitely with all its components.
Friday we grabbed gem ( Nathanael driving) and headed towards Renfrew-

the night began as an almost awkward- like, what's going to happen-
and surely ( almost inevitably) the night turned to what was a perma-smile in disguise of a purple treeline darling girl,
Saturday morning was the joint and eggs and into the day preparation for the show
The show was fun,
An interesting weekend with gem-
I met her father who lives in a Bohemian wonderland with his unique trinkets and I saw the white guest bedroom and disappeared for a while apparently making Nathanael and Yousko come to the slightly angered epiphany that I lack empathy
It all made me realize- Wow, I need to get my shit together.
I had to fight to go to a simple party after the show when I shouldn't have to rely on them anyways. Nathanael is too good to me- he's been basically saving me.
I am grateful for their help, but then I realize the burden I've placed on my friends.
I'm fucking 18 now.
I have to leave gem knowing I must wait, every time now-
And it is now harder and harder every time,
I can't even buy my own fucking pack of cigarettes, and bitch bitch complain bitch woe is me
How long must I wait.

understanding and entering into another's feelings

We went to the party, I got sloshed mixing tequila and rum- yeah.
anyways there was a dude with a thin inside out shirt with Hebrew writing that talked about new beginnings and I jumped around my head a lot and had some off-kilter conversations with some people I hardly know- some way more interesting than others- I played the asshole that night with the great party idea assuming a change of scenery from the valley would be good- with the tired one and the irritable pessimist.
Why though, you know- why was I so into the idea of going- my thoughts ran around that idea quite a lot- and gem.

Sunday was early KK session and the empathy lecture began where I thought a lot of how I had treated them ( and just about my life in general) and I realized we should have never went to the party at all like you had said. I don't regret it, but I played the asshole who imposed myself entirely on their feelings and was totally just in my mood- which is what i guess they mean- but whatever- I felt bad , but they wouldn't let me say sorry in respect for my feelings. weird.

1 comment: