Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Monotony on my blank page- in a winter suffocation. Oh, yes! How good it is; and how awful.
A sweet fucking yin yang making its revolutions, turning back and forth.
Apparently I do nothing in my household. I am a slobbish wastoid right about now.
18- no license- no job- forgot half of myself back there on the zig-zag path while my body reels in a state that forgot how to paint.
Smokin' rolleys and pissed at the house.
I got some harsh motivation speeches and a slap on the wrist or two mixed with an uneasy all day- everyday.
Oh, yes! And it keeps its weather cold for me in an effort to show me- " If you don't take the coat and the gloves and the layers and put them on yourself you'll never be warm. It's all you- ", it says.
I can drink my smut coffee and smoke my smut cigarettes, but in the end they only stand for what they help me deal with, some fucking smut.
Oh!- those silly repetitives hang in the balance by like a finger. Restless and tired.

Got home today. I heard an honest real and like always heard it like a plastic and denied its genuine. I wanted to sleep. After a fight with the birth-mother and a sad interaction with some still wet dishes. I stomped around a bit- real intelligent-like. Above everything else and looking downward.
By the time I laid down I wasn't even tired- so i forced myself to sleep. I had a half sexual dream that turned into a blackness that led me from 3 to 11. Woke up in a fucking stupor with only one emotion, that sickening one. That sickening beat up emotion- the one with all the squinting eyes and fucked up hair that makes me hate. Hate is that word that excessively works out and tries to prove something to the other emotions.
I wanted to call someone to talk to, but who to call when the phones are off.
I wanted some fake voice to smoke a smoke to. I wanted some fake voice to hear.
But, now i only hear my head voice. The one that is always wrong- and always right; the great contradiction; a common theme, and a blatant mind-fuck regardless if you think you understand it.
I have that show friday- the first one i've played in a while and here's a track for download that fits this entry pretty fully.

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