The show I got gem's number.

This was a rather imortant show for me.

Longmore Academy Dr. Dunmire speech and the infamous BELLRAIN recording sessions

Belle and Lorraine: - sorry .WAV files

http://www.sendspace.com/file/uk8s9e
http://www.sendspace.com/file/4z3e4f

DOCTOR JANICE R. DUNMIRE

As you know Doctor Dunmire is resigning as principal as Longmore academy. Which is indefinitely a sad day in the schools history. It is hard to say what that means for the future of the school since we can’t read the future like we can a book and Longmore is so strange. Her presence has been, but another addition to the unique history of a place that has bred all different types of emotions and situations. A place where all different types of people are merged together to learn about life through experience (whether they know it or not or whether they ever realize it). Teachers , faculty, and students alike are all under the constant impression of each other. I have known most only kindness from Miss Dunmire and for that I thank her- I have had an experience at Longmore I can never forget- and she is , but another addition to what I can only describe as an awe inspiring amalgamation of emotion and life. She genuinely cares for the kids and hopefully the next principal can be as showing of that. It is confusing and frustrating in the walls of this building I have come to know so well.

- And now- in speaking directly to you , Doctor Dunmire, I have a favor to ask of you and it is extremely important. Assess your story here- remember the events that took place and the people and really dig deep into the fabric of your experience and dissect it and understand what you’ve learned as a student of life’s strange paths. You were selected as a principality for a school that contains some of the most interesting occurrences and life lessons and people. I can’t know how you feel or why you’re leaving, but I will ask for you to feel grateful to have known Longmore Academy (and its people and existence) the same way I (and others) am/are grateful to have known you. I ask you in whatever may come in your life to be open-minded and creative and not restricted by the confinements of modern societies lies and artificial plastics.’ Be a good influence on people by trying to help them understand a good concept of self.

- Advocate peace and love and take time to say a thank you to the bizarre placement you’ve witnessed and been a direct part in.

I on the other hand have been a blurred figment of your imagination waving a tired hand in the wind praying to escape what is and what isn’t all while being alive looking at myself having already escaped.

So now I'm entering into the comfort period-
and you are truly beauty for me-
I am nearly overwhelmed by my happiness-

I'm pretty on top of my shit now like I can drive to you and I can feel the sigh disappear in my bones- and it was always only me. It has been hard and difficult for good reason to show that you can overcome adversity in a chaos.
I've been given a gift wrapped in a hologram.

Today I get my wisdom's teeth removed from my face.

WRCT 3/19/09

These recordings are not so bad- some fuck ups and what not , but it's interesting listen to- I'm progressing I guess
1.sad, sad, apostrophe
2.dimensional analysis, it's better off (sloppy), heart stops
3.oh my god Improv
4.i'm not afraid of the problem
5. cemetary ghost
http://www.sendspace.com/file/2l2gq3

I found a queen of hearts on the ground today...

I found the queen of hearts on the ground today...

yesterday was fruitful and happy- productive and whatnot

me and nathanaels band (elementary skull) worked in a new format that kicks ass

organic island space musics - made some shitty-awesome tape recordings

after jamming we relaxed and then went to Josh's

there I sipped on a blue moon 'til the time we spent there grew thin
I had stayed up late talking with gem about different sorts of things smiling

get well in your recent sickness and stay well

it was hard to wake up- this morning and I awoke rather late

and I had no time to get ready so I now feel like shit

I found the queen of hearts on the ground torn in half and weathered

I found it standing vertically in a patch of grass

i found it all alone neglected

it would have entirely deteriorated if not for me

and I had to give it life again-

an object with seemingly no hope

it just seems rather symbolic I suppose

empathy?

Apparently I lack empathy-
Or at least I was told so-
In more ways than one I've been the asshole this weekend- but not- apparently
and I shouldn't feel sorry or bad - and if I should try to understand what it means
apparently I just can't- ?
It seems semi-ridiculous to me, but it does make sense.

I had a beautiful weekend though indefinitely with all its components.
Friday we grabbed gem ( Nathanael driving) and headed towards Renfrew-

the night began as an almost awkward- like, what's going to happen-
and surely ( almost inevitably) the night turned to what was a perma-smile in disguise of a purple treeline darling girl,
Saturday morning was the joint and eggs and into the day preparation for the show
The show was fun,
An interesting weekend with gem-
I met her father who lives in a Bohemian wonderland with his unique trinkets and I saw the white guest bedroom and disappeared for a while apparently making Nathanael and Yousko come to the slightly angered epiphany that I lack empathy
It all made me realize- Wow, I need to get my shit together.
I had to fight to go to a simple party after the show when I shouldn't have to rely on them anyways. Nathanael is too good to me- he's been basically saving me.
I am grateful for their help, but then I realize the burden I've placed on my friends.
I'm fucking 18 now.
I have to leave gem knowing I must wait, every time now-
And it is now harder and harder every time,
I can't even buy my own fucking pack of cigarettes, and bitch bitch complain bitch woe is me
How long must I wait.

empathy

noun

understanding and entering into another's feelings

We went to the party, I got sloshed mixing tequila and rum- yeah.
anyways there was a dude with a thin inside out shirt with Hebrew writing that talked about new beginnings and I jumped around my head a lot and had some off-kilter conversations with some people I hardly know- some way more interesting than others- I played the asshole that night with the great party idea assuming a change of scenery from the valley would be good- with the tired one and the irritable pessimist.
Why though, you know- why was I so into the idea of going- my thoughts ran around that idea quite a lot- and gem.

Sunday was early KK session and the empathy lecture began where I thought a lot of how I had treated them ( and just about my life in general) and I realized we should have never went to the party at all like you had said. I don't regret it, but I played the asshole who imposed myself entirely on their feelings and was totally just in my mood- which is what i guess they mean- but whatever- I felt bad , but they wouldn't let me say sorry in respect for my feelings. weird.

distant voice calls me through a tunnel

grabbing onto railings on rickety stairs

replying to questions and asking a day to be kind

-all while keeping a calm I'm not used to

every night is like this now

last night I hung up the phone and thought I hadn't in a half-sleep.

I thought I had fallen asleep talking, so when I awoke and realized

I searched frantically for the phone and couldn't find it,

so i leapt up to the light switch to find the phone on the ground

I picked up and called and left a message-

and upon hanging up I realized I had distinctly said goodbye.

I thought I was still talking to you.

No dreams in sleep- Just dreams while I'm awake.