20010 friday sep. 3

Solo Art exhibition / LP vinyl release
Dean Cercone presents 20010

we are in love.
you need some time- right now i think i need some time too.
specifically because i need to bring myself out of this depression.
i'm killing you?
that's pretty drastic.
saturday was a beautiful smile.
and your suggested reverse psychology-
how complex could it possibly get.
you are you.
how did this happen so abruptly?
can't wait to see you when this is over.

the new confusion

the new confusion like always
and drifting into what is like
a mostly strange what do i want
what do i want in the sound
or in my life and the way i live it stumbling
over jagged ground to walk
- and i'm cold like it is when you shiver
and i'm wondering what you're thinking
hard about what this is in discomfort
alienated from where you're living
and its bites and its mess and smell
dim lit lonesome
a secret boiling for it all
hurt on hurt like it was
and we're all silent from the burst and in the morning
strange nights on days
in the city while she's all sick
and i hurt bad for her
and her- the mothers
where will i go from here

this and that and how it is

knowing for sure it will leave.
magnetizing oppurtunity and being unsure of the future (expectedly).
i'm tied down and you're blooming away from me (expectedly).
but it's still absolutely beautiful to watch.
will it come back?
what a brilliant distance- what a brilliant hope.
maybe i'll be in a place that glistens when it all opens up down the road.
time away from the constant pull.
healthy on all ends.
i will not slave forever.
the work will be released on my terms and happiness will prevail.
i am a golden boy.
i can't wait to see you then and show you myself.
display our progressions to each other.
success is blood and thought.
being free is a must for a period of growth.
hopefully our paths intertwine again-
when it happens i'll give you a flower.
and a seed of a tree.

-

Hopefully not the last gift.
I'll let you do what you need-
I hope you come back, but if not i'll spend the longest winter of my life,
biting my fingernails with a broken heart.
,but it's not all about me.
I want you to be happy and know you want me
,but you're so young that you don't know what you want.
and I can not keep you from figuring that out- but I hope it's me.
I miss you already.
crossing my fingers in an absolute worry and thought.
I wish I would have acted differently, but I'm a wreck.
Maybe I don't love myself enough.
I don't want this to be the death.
I feel as if I'm grieving.
I'm going to get my shit together.
With a job and a warm house to live in.
I'm going to go to school eventually-
deal with the shit so I can thrive.
Those who can not endure the bad will not live to see the good.
The man on top of the mountain did not fall there.
Every one tried to tell me- but I'm too stubborn.
Another fucked episode in the life of Dean Cercone.
It's so hard to be stable and lazy at the same time.
I'm losing my Gem- and I am so sad.

face it

confronted with flames destroying your face-
but in being forced to withstand it all becoming hardened like clay you numb-
a liquid tear drips from a solid eye
and you stand still-
your whole life it breaks you apart-
but in being forced to withstand it all you become who you are-
weakness strikes every part of your weary mind
fighting an imaginary battle; a manifested problem-
and losing.
and then coming to terms with losing-
worthless, hopeless, and still
there is always light at a distance from the mindfuck at hand though,
and I am beautiful.
I don't deserve any of this and I am not wrong

A House

I live in a large house-
with three other female individuals-
one (Alecia) is the organized worker-
she is specifically anal-
and does not think like I do and can be very mean.
There is the straight forward learning one (Gena) who is more lazed
and kind of confused and less emotional than that of-
my felow Sagittarius housemate Liz-
who is much more emotional and experienced yet is very sad deeply
she has a very true glow inside of her, and I have befriended her quite well.
I have moved to the city of Pittsburgh.
A place I have revolved my mind around quite a bit- in the past.
Now I am here.
I feel very different here- all entangled in different peoples emotions.
I am deeply in love- that is what brought me here.
I am poor- I am less productive and I am swaying.
A young beautiful girl with so much to learn- my sweet Emily.
A deep confusion resides in her I feel stemming from the separartion of her beautiful parents and her past. A sort of resentment that is boiling in her 16 year old brain.
Emily's beauty rivals that of the calm after a storm when light forces its entrance through the clouds and through distant rains to create a rainbow overlooking a field of flowers in the summer.
My wish is for her to be happy. I want to be happy too- I wish I knew better what I need to do or even better to motivate myself to do now what I know I need to do.
I need to send my life outwards into this world so I don't rot.
Existence is just there- it jumps out at you sometimes- and you get scared.
There are so many restrictions on "living" once you get past how hard it is to deal with existence. And then there are other lives.
Is there something wrong with "I"?


ser⋅pent  /ˈsɜrpənt/ –noun
1. a snake.
2. a wily, treacherous, or malicious person.
3. the Devil; Satan. Gen. 3:1–5.
4. a firework that burns with serpentine motion or flame.
5. an obsolete wooden wind instrument with a serpentine shape and a deep, coarse tone. Compare ophicleide.
6. (initial capital letter) Astronomy. the constellation Serpens.


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Origin:
1250–1300; ME (< MF) < L serpent-, s. of serpēns; see Serpens

e⋅go  /ˈigoʊ, ˈɛgoʊ/ –noun, plural e⋅gos.
1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
2. Psychoanalysis. the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.
3. egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.
4. self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego.
5. (often initial capital letter) Philosophy. a. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.
b. Scholasticism. the complete person comprising both body and soul.

6. Ethnology. a person who serves as the central reference point in the study of organizational and kinship relationships.


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Origin:
1780–90; < L: I; psychoanalytic term is trans. of G (das) Ich (the) I